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Can it be?

March 5th, 2015 at 06:42 am

Did I have a no-spend day yesterday? I can't think of a penny I spent. Sometimes they just sneak up on you.

It's very cold again today, and I faced another temptation to drive. However, I bundled up and made the walk to the station. And I avoided the treat at the station. Having English muffins at work is really helping.

I've run into a bit of a problem on the train ride home. I don't know if any of you recall, but last year I helped out a developmentally-challenged young woman who had lost her wallet. Since then she has attached herself to me, and now she always wants to sit with me at the station and on the train. The trouble is, she talks nonstop and she is very hard to understand, and it just wears me out trying to make out what she is saying. She is also demanding -- "I want the window. I want to sit in back." I really don't want to hurt her feelings, but I want some time to myself. When I say I can't talk now, or I have to check my phone messages, she doesn't hear me. I don't know what to do except try to avoid her, which makes me feel really bad. I'm thinking of taking a later train! I hate to be this way, as I am sure she needs every bit of kindness she receives, but it's really wearing on me.

I know this isn't finance-related at all, but it's what's on my mind today. How do you set boundaries with someone who doesn't even understand them?

3 Responses to “Can it be?”

  1. laura/the deacon's wife Says:

    All I can say is God Bless you for your helper's heart and the kindness you have shown this young woman. She knows you as a kind and caring person. I am sorry that she is trying -- and I see nothing wrong with taking a break if you can. Sometimes the price we pay to be kind and helpful is actually detrimental to us. Boundaries with someone who doesn't understand them are futile. Said from someone who does a cyclical fade with my best friend who is 50, single, never married, no children, one dog, and is very into herself. Total opposite of me.

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    Yes, it is okay to take a break from this young woman. It's hard to give other advise without knowing her directly.

  3. JulieAlbright Says:

    I know what you mean about how exhausting that can be.

    The thing is, if she doesn't quite grasp boundaries she likely isn't going to take firm suggestions as rudeness the way some people might. Do you know if she can read? Can you bring an old magazine or a book or something and tell her "Oh, I really need some quiet time with my brain today so let's sit here together and each read our books for the ride. A puzzle or word game thing?"

    And then if she continues to try and chatter just keep reminding her. I'd really like some quiet time this morning, so let's not talk."

    And then if nothing else works just kind of avoid her until you see her go sit down somewhere, and locate yourself as far away as possible. There's nothing wrong with needing time for yourself.

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