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My New Normal

November 13th, 2016 at 01:19 pm

My new normal is waking up at 3 am. I have a vague sense that something is wrong, and then I remember. My disappointment is crushing. My country is careening away from everything I thought it was. I can't go back to sleep.

I am just going through the motions in my life now. I'm going to ask my doctor about antidepressants, because I just can't do this.

Yesterday I was operating on about four hours of sleep, but I got a lot done. I went to my grandson's flag football game, I mailed my granddaughter's birthday present, bought two other birthday presents, bought a few groceries, worked out, made taco filling from scratch and did some laundry.

Spending was $125 all together, which brought the variables up to 61%.

I finally got the call that the orthotics are ready, so I made an appointment for Tuesday. They will probably cost me about $180 out of pocket.

Next weekend I will shop for new shoes to accommodate the orthotics (and because my shoes are worn out) and I was lucky enough to get a $40 coupon for DSW in the mail. BFF is coming up and we'll shop together. Between the orthotics and the shoes, it will probably shoot my variables budget -- well, I'll just have to make whatever cuts I can in other places.

I have been informed that assessment fees are going up 5%. That will be a $17 increase, or $213 per year. I've already adjusted my variables budget down, to allow for this extra fixed expense. The building is getting a new roof.

Tonight I'm going to my grandson's birthday party -- just a simple family get-together with cake and presents. I think there will be a lot of extra hugging.

11 Responses to “My New Normal”

  1. PatientSaver Says:

    This message is for you:

  2. Dido Says:

    Hugs. A day at a time. I hoped the birthday party helped.

  3. MonkeyMama Says:


  4. rob62521 Says:

    Hang in there! Hope you enjoy the party!

  5. alice4now Says:

    Hope you enjoyed the party. You are not alone with your feelings, I think with time our purpose will look clearer.

  6. starfishy Says:

    thanks for sharing your feelings and thoughts - i'm adding to the hugfest above. take good care of yourself.

  7. Buendia Says:

    Hugs from me, too! Simple family get-togethers are the best...

  8. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    I sleep fine, but I've been severely over-eating. Severely.

  9. MonkeyMama Says:

    Joan, I am totally with you. I can sleep through anything, but I was very aware that I bought/ate tons of junk food this weekend. (My husband is the sleepless/depressed/brooder).

  10. ceejay74 Says:

    Funny, Joan and MonkeyMama, my appetite has been virtually nonexistent. I feel like I have low-grade nausea almost constantly, that or nervous butterflies. I didn't feel like weighing in on Sunday as usual because who cares, but I wonder if I lost weight. Although I've had very little motivation or energy so haven't been doing my nightly walks which I thought had become a permanent routine since I started them in July, but I've completely stalled on that. So probably the lower eating and lower exercise will be a wash in terms of weight loss.

    ((hugs)) to you all. I'm still trying to figure out where I should best put myself to use to try and salvage some of the good progressive things that will no doubt lose ground over the next few years. For now, getting reinvolved in local issues (anti-police brutality and maybe Standing Rock) and making sure I show my friends lots of love to counteract their despair.

  11. FrugalTexan75 Says:


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